Remotes
Like many other men, I have an appreciation for any type of electronic toy err…gadget. Especially those gadgets that will make us think our lives will be easier. In my opinion, there are certain things that need to be present to make the device a true gadget. A gadget has to have many buttons to push. It also needs to include all kinds of electrical circuits. Gadgets need to do more functions than the average male (or female) will ever use. In addition, they have to have an operator’s handbook that makes “War and Peace” look like a primer book for pre-schoolers (not that a man will use the manual anyway). In today’s home, the best example of one of these gadgets is the multi purpose remote control.
Take me for instance. I have a remote for the garage door, door to my car, window shades, ceiling fan, gas fireplace AND the TV and sound system. In fact, I have a number of remotes next to the “man’s” recliner in the family room, right in that tray that opens up in the recliner's arm. (You know, the tray that holds the remotes and keeps your drink cool with the built in refrigeration unit). I want time in front of the TV to be valuable bonding time with my family. This is a great time to build a rapport with the kids. With a remote, I can continue to switch between the news and VH1’s “Where Are They Now?” All without leaving my chair! I am right there spending time with my children! Without a remote, I would be jumping up and down in the middle of the conversation to switch channels or start the VCR. Just imagine how distracting that is for the remote-less family?
A neat thing about remotes nowadays is they work for more than one electronic appliance. With multi units, you only need one, but it is practical to keep an old remote around that works just one device. I only use the old remote when I cannot find the multi unit that runs the VCR, cable, stereo and TV. Even if you never use it, it will probably become a collector's item if you hang onto it long enough. I have one from an old TV I do not have anymore. I am planning on the Antique Road Show determining the value so I can make a few bucks selling it to a collector. It is pretty well a man's household standard to have a few backup units available anyway. If you do not keep the old ones around, each new remote would need to come with a homing beeper. The beeper would activate when a button on the TV is touched and lead us to the lost remote. Kind of like the pager button on cordless telephones. Although I must admit, duct taping the remote to the table has helped keep the remote from getting lost.
It is apparent that men, for men, design remotes. Why? Because men know the importance of how a remote control keeps us from over exerting. The term "bone idleness", coined from an English TV comedy that I was surfing by (using a remote I might add!) best represents the recliner bound adult male. When afflicted, "bone idleness" will not allow the male body to get up and move about the room, especially for menial activities such as turning TV stations, closing blinds or starting the fireplace. That is where remotes rein supreme, assisting afflicted adults with daily channel changing, on-off chores.
There is a web site dedicated to remotes. On the web site are remotes for almost anything you can image: TV‘s, fans, radios, alarms, stereos and more. A man must run the site because it even has a remote to operate your remote!
However, the best remote is one for the bathroom toilet. With this remote, you can raise or lower the toilet lid, lift the seat and flush while you are on the move. And since it is usually cold in the middle of the night, you can push a button and run heated water through the seat so the first thing you feel is the warmth, which ought to facilitate those times when you just can't concentrate because the seat was cold. For those sophisticated remote toilet users, there is the additional option of the remote hideaway bidet that can be used with, you guessed it, the push of the remotes button. Now that is a real gadget!
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